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Le petit père Combes s'en va chez le docteur : "Ah! docteur, je suis bien malade! J'ai, comment vous dire, l'estomac gazouilleur Comme un vieux siphon d'limonade, Enfin j'ai quelque chose là Qui ne passe pas... Quéqu'chose qui n'passe pas. Le docteur fait : Mais dites-moi... N'est-ce pas un projet de loi ? Voyons, r'prit le docteur, avez-vous un moment ? De vous asseoir prenez la peine. Ça n'sera pas long, pour voir c'qu'y a dedans Je vais vous ouvrir l'abdomen. -Hé ! fit Combes, attendez, morbleu ! I'm'semble docteur, que ça va déjà mieux... Puis, vous savez, j'suis pas curieux, N'vous dérangez pas pour si peu. Laissez, dit le docteur, n'vous occupez donc pas, Je fais ça comme on vide un litre, Puis je suis en train, ce matin j'ai déjà Ouvert plusieurs douzaines d'huîtres. N'ayez pas peur, vous n'sentirez Absolument rien, j'vais vous boucher l'nez, Tous ça sera proprement fait, Et plus vite qu'un porte-monnaie ! Là-dessus, il opère, il regarde et il dit : "Jusqu'ici vous n'avez pas de chance De maladie de foie, mais quant à la phtisie, C'est couru, galopé d'avance. Dans vos bronches, ah ! quel vent du Nord ! Ça fait courant d'air avec le corridor ; Vos poumons semblent respirer Autre chose que la sainteté !... Ah ! voici le cœur, dame, il n'est pas très grand, Je pourrais le mettre dans ma poche. Tiens ! vous le portez, ça c'est très élégant, Crânement sur l'oreillette gauche. Il semble atteint en vérité D'une par trop grande sensibilité, Ça doit joliment vous gêner, je crois bien qu'il faudra l'enlever. Oh ! ça c'est curieux,vous vous êtes foulé La rate ! mais le diable m'emporte ! Comment avez-vous donc pu vous dévisser Tout seul la crosse de l'aorte ? Ah ! vous êtes un fameux lapin Parbleu ! je I'vois bien là, d'l'autre côté du rein, Vous devez être fort, mon garçon, Mais là très fort... sur la boisson ! Voyons donc ce ventre... il est joliment creux... Son état... (mais restez tranquille ! Ah mon pauvre ami, ce qu'vous êtes chatouilleux!) Son état, dis-je, est fort débile. Votre intestin grêle, vraiment, N'a pas le sourire, il n'est pas engageant ; Entre nous, je n'ai jamais vu Un intérieur plus mal tenu. Ah ! les sales boyaux! Mais quelle belle occasion Pour vous, et vraiment peu loisible, De dire bonjour à votre vieux côlon, En ce moment il est visible... (Mais n'vous trémoussez pas comme ça, Vous avez fait choir mon lorgnon dans le tas, Si je n'le retrouve pas là-dedans Vous le paierez en supplément.) Mais qui disait donc qu'vous aviez d'l'estomac ? Le vôtre m'a l'air d'être en bombe, Je ne le vois pas. Regardez donc plus bas, S'écrie une voix d'outre-Combes. Je l'tiens, dit le docteur, pardon ! Il est rudement bas, il est sous vos talons. Ah ! nom d'un chien qu'il est usé, Faudra le faire ressemeler. Mais attendez donc! grands dieux! qu'est-ce que j'y vois ? Une, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept fèves ! Petit cachottier, vous pouviez être roi! Mais plus modestes sont vos rêves. Qu'est-ce encor ? une gomme pour crayon, Une pièce du Pape... c'est ça qui doit être bon... Naïf, avez-vous pu penser Un instant qu'elle allait passer ? Tout ça n'sera rien, dit l'docteur ayant r'mis Toutes ces choses à leur place, Ah ! voyons la langue... pas trop sale... Aujourd'hui Ne buvez que du Clos Wallace... Au fait, revenez d'main en passant Que j'vous ouvre le crâne, y a peut-être quéqu'chose dedans. Mais nettoyez-le, grattez-le, J'veux pas y trouver un cheveu.
Authorship:
- by Vincent Hyspa (1865 - 1938) [author's text not yet checked against a primary source]
Musical settings (art songs, Lieder, mélodies, (etc.), choral pieces, and other vocal works set to this text), listed by composer (not necessarily exhaustive):
- by Alfred Erik Leslie Satie (1866 - 1925), "Chez le docteur" [text verified 1 time]
Available translations, adaptations, and transliterations (if applicable):
- ENG English (Laura L. Nagle) , title 1: "At the doctor's", copyright © 2010, (re)printed on this website with kind permission
Researcher for this page: Guy Laffaille [Guest Editor]
This text was added to the website: 2009-02-10
Line count: 88
Word count: 600
Old man Combes goes to the doctor. "Oh, doctor, I'm really sick! My stomach is -- how shall I put this? -- gurgling Like an old lemonade siphon. In short, I've got something in there That won't pass... Something that just won't pass." The doctor says: "Tell me... What is it, a bill? "Let's see," the doctor continued, "do you have a moment? Please, have a seat. It won't take long to see what's inside. I'm going to open up your abdomen." "Hey!" said Combes, "wait right there! Zounds! It seems, doctor, that I'm feeling better already... And, you know, I'm not curious. Don't trouble yourself over such a little thing." "Now, now," says the doctor, "Don't worry yourself! To me it's as simple as emptying a bottle, And I'm on a roll: This morning I've already Opened several dozen oysters. Don't be afraid, you'll feel Absolutely nothing. I'm going to pinch your nose. The whole thing will be done cleanly, And faster than a coin purse! With that, he operates, he looks and he says: "Up till now you've had no chance Of liver disease, but as far as consumption is concerned, It's a sure thing; it's already galloped. In your bronchial tubes, oh! what a north wind! It's causing a draft in the corridor; Your lungs seem to be breathing Something other than saintliness! "Oh! here's the heart! Goodness, it isn't very big; I could put it in my pocket. Fancy that! You carry it -- and this is very elegant -- Gallantly on the left auricle. It truly seems affected By an extreme sensitivity, And must bother you terribly; I believe it shall have to be removed. "Oh, how unusual! You've really Outdone yourself! I'll be damned! How could you have unscrewed Your aortic arch all on your own? Oh! you're a real clever one, By Jove! I see it there, on the other side of the kidney. You must be strong, my boy, Really, very strong ... hitting the bottle! "Let's have a look at this belly... it's really hollow... Its state -- (Stay still! Oh, my poor friend, you're awfully ticklish!) -- Its state, as I was saying, is terribly frail. Your small intestine truly Has no smile, is not engaging; Between you and me, I've never seen A more poorly-maintained interior. "Oh! what filthy entrails! But what a fine opportunity For you, and so uncommon, To say hello to your old colon, Since at the moment it's visible! (Don't wriggle about like that! You've made my lorgnette fall in. If I don't find it in there, You'll have to pay for it.) "Now, who was saying that you have a stomach? It seems like yours is really living it up; I don't see it." "Look a little lower, then," Calls a voice from beyond Combes. "Pardon me," says the doctor, "I've got it!" It's dreadfully low; it's beneath your heels. Blimey, but it is worn out! We'll have to have it resoled. "Now, wait a minute! Good Lord! What am I seeing here? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven beans! So secretive -- you could have been king on Twelfth Night! But your dreams are more modest than that. And what is this, now? a pencil eraser, A papal coin... that must be it... You innocent, did you think Even for a moment that that would pass? "It'll all be fine," said the doctor, having put All these things back in place. "Oh! let's have a look at the tongue -- not too dirty... Today, Drink nothing but Clos Wallace... "By the way, come by tomorrow And I'll open up your skull; there might be something in there. But wash it first, scrape it; I don't want to find any hairs."
Authorship:
- Translation from French (Français) to English copyright © 2010 by Laura L. Nagle, (re)printed on this website with kind permission. To reprint and distribute this author's work for concert programs, CD booklets, etc., you may ask the copyright-holder(s) directly or ask us; we are authorized to grant permission on their behalf. Please provide the translator's name when contacting us.
Contact: licenses@email.lieder.example.net
Based on:
- a text in French (Français) by Vincent Hyspa (1865 - 1938)
This text was added to the website: 2010-09-13
Line count: 88
Word count: 620